La mirada nublada

Hoy es uno de esos días en los que uno desearía poder quedarse en su cama llorando todas las lagrimas que aun quedan por llorar. Pero no, uno se levanta, se viste y trata de hacer que este día sea bueno o al menos que valga la pena.

Pasan las horas y el sentimiento de tristeza es peor, ya no suena el celular y aparece tu sonrisa en la imagen de la pantalla llamándome como cada mañana preguntándome: hola, ¿hija, como estas? ¿Como te levantaste hoy? Solo hay silencio y recuerdos, hermosos, pero ahora son solo eso, recuerdos imborrables que no puedo evitar traer a mi memoria. A veces no se si no es peor porque acrecienta mi dolor de que ya no estés ahí.

Pasado el mediodía decido salir a hacer unas compras, pero me es difícil disimular mi rostro triste y mis lagrimas que no dejan de rodar por mis mejillas a pesar de tener mis lentes de sol, la gente me mira y en sus rostros veo expresión ¿de compasión, tal vez? No lo sé, pero me miran raro.

Regreso a mi departamento y siento hambre (cosa poco habitual últimamente desde tu partida) y me preparo algo rápido para comer. Sinceramente no lo disfruto, simplemente siento que la comida pasa de forma dificultosa por mi garganta que tiene ese nudo que no se va más.

Siguen pasando las horas, miro por mi ventana y afuera la gente pasa feliz, todos en compañía, alguno que otro solitario, pero la mayoría va en familia o entre amigos. El día es hermoso y el sol brilla en lo alto de un cielo totalmente azul, la temperatura es agradable y no hace mucho calor, entonces decido salir e ir hasta el rio que es mi lugar favorito en la ciudad, lugar que me transmite calma, paz, me “resetea” como digo yo. Pero no esta vez, no hoy…

Mi hermano me manda unos audios desde mi país, pero en todos ellos “elude perspicazmente” el tema y solo me habla de cosas banales para distraer, lo que para mi es aun peor porque lo que yo necesito es hablarlo.

Sentada en una banca frente al rio intento meditar, pero los pensamientos vienen a mi mente y las lágrimas, una vez más, comienzan a brotar a borbotones y ya no lo puedo disimular. La gente pasa frente a mi y prefieren ignora mi presencia, me observan de reojo y continúan su andar entre risas y conversaciones como al pasar. ¡Decido finalmente irme de allí!

En el camino de regreso no puedo ver nitido elcamino ni la gente que tengo frente a mi, todo es distorsionado debido a mis ojos repletos de lagrimas aun por caer y entonces me pregunto ¿cómo puede ser que me sienta así tan mal, tan triste y no pueda avanzar? Y es que una parte de mi se fue con vos mama y eso nada ni nadie lo va a cambiar.

31 thoughts on “La mirada nublada

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